Moving on...

People have actually started calling me love guru, after reading my posts… ironical to say the least as I have never been in a long committed relationship… but I have known people who have been… and I guess I emit some vibes that make people come and pour their hearts out to me (with no actual prodding from my side mind you.) So I have heard a lot of stories… personal experiences of my friends being in happy relationships (when everything goes according to plan but that is very seldom), being in on-again-off-again relationships (mostly indecisive couples who like to go through the same motions over and over again with sadly the same person), completely useless ones (this is the maximum number where there is no past, no present and no future), one-sided affairs (girl likes guy or vice-versa and surprisingly there are a lot of cases of this one as well) and then there are also flings (having fun… no strings attached kind of affairs). That’s all my knowledge base… people around me. Even if they don't, i certainly learn from their mistakes.

This time, I thought I would live up to my recently acquired pseudonym of love guru… make it relationship advisor (:P)… (speaking of which, I remember one of my close friends was also ready to design a website for me...don't know what happened to that. Admiral, u reading? :P)
and write something about the end of a relationship.

Recently, I spoke to one of my friends. He was in love with a girl. They broke up for various reasons (let us not get into that) and now it has been two years since they last spoke. He says that he has moved on but he just dedicated a song to her… perfect strangers. The intention presumably (if we take it in the literal sense) was to tell her that he has moved on and now they are just strangers...perfect strangers. (SIGH!) if life was so literal. But if you really have gotten over someone then do you need to tell the other person that you are not thinking about her anymore? And doesn’t sending her a sign that you are not thinking about her just defeats the whole purpose?

So, what is actually moving on? Is it when you stop thinking about her / him? When you don’t remember the date you stopped talking to her? Or when you don’t feel like talking to him… or when you don’t bother talking to her? When u just stop caring if the other person exists or not? When little normal everyday things don’t remind you of her? or is it all of the above?

I think you have truly moved on when u can talk about the other person with a detached frame of mind. When it doesn’t bother you if you will ever see her again or not... When you can look at their stuff without getting nostalgic… when you go to the places you went to with them and u don’t wish the other person to be there. It would be foolish to actually believe that you can erase the other person, who has been a constant in your life for n number of days, out of your consciousness and believe me the more you try to wipe the slate clean the more mess you create. I have seen people trying their level best to forget the time spent with the other half who is now not here and they just get more entangled in the web of memories. While trying to forget everything, they remember every minute detail so that they wont think about it again (seriously don’t understand the logic!) so I think you should just let it be… sooner or later, you will get over that someone special (who is not special anymore. Granted you would rather shoot her between the eyes…listening Popeye… but u will get over the urge. trust me. And yeah don’t act on any of these impulses even if you get them) But how long does it take for someone to move on? Days, months, years… lifetime. No one knows, I think it is different for different people. Some people move on in a blink of an eye, and some take several blinks. it doesnt depend on the level of intimacy you shared with that person (it does matter though) but most importantly it depends on your desire to move on.

To truly move on, you need to believe that you want to get out and getting there is the hardest part. Many people live in denial, believing that this is just a phase and the other guy would sooner or later realize that they still love you and everything would be rosy again. it is then that you need to remove those rose-tinted glasses and see the reality as it is.

Getting over a break-up is a five point process - DENIAL (when you can't believe that this is happening to you); REALIZATION (when the gravity of the situation finally hits you that the other person is not coming back); HUMILIATION / SELF BLAME (when the break up seems like your fault. this is a dangerous time when you would feel like calling the guy and begging him to take you back and that you would do anything to make it work); ANGER / HATE (when you blame the other person for everything wrong that has ever happened to you...ever) and finally
voila... you dont care anymore. so give yourself this time to go through all these five stages.

Sometimes, you wish there was some kind of a college that had special courses to make you get over that girl / guy. You complete the course and you have moved on. You are awarded some kind of a certificate that says something like… this is to certify that Mr. / Ms. So-and-so has finally forgotten Ms. / Mr. so-and-so and has truly and completely moved on. Now they are perfectly stable to enter another relationship.

People could frame it and hang it on their walls just like degrees. Some people would have multiple certificates too. (obsessive compulsive daters or breakers) So when u meet a guy / girl and you are not sure whether he is actually over his ex, u would just have to look at the wall!

But sadly this is not the norm. (not here, not anywhere)