Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Meaningful Gibberish

i have been here before, i know that for sure
i have seen this path, but where... that i don't know

i couldn't make out the face, but the eyes... i knew
they were boring into me, staring right through

i couldn't hide a single thought... everything they could see
i tried in vain but i couldn't hide the real me!

i wanted to run, i wanted to shout,
the feet wouldn't co-operate and no voice did come out

then those hands... big and strong... reached out for me
i stared in horror... and tried to break free

finally, i broke the spell and woke up with a start
shivering, i looked around and knew where i was at

but now also, even though i am fully awake
that feeling of foreboding i cant truly shake

was it really a dream or some distant memory coming back to life?
it seemed so true... but it was surreal, definitely dreamlike

those eyes, i can never forget how they stared deep into my soul
and then i looked at you sleeping beside me and realize... it was you all along!

i trusted you but you broke every promise,
you tore me apart and ran over my spirit

devoid of all emotion, every night  i lay down next to you...
dreams were my only solace but you have crept into them too!

What do you think this is about?

Maybe, you would think, it's about love and marriage
And what it feels to have a happily-ever-after life...
Really, is that what is running through your mind?!
It's not about happy endings
That is absolutely true.
Although it could be about wedded life, but
Love, in this story, is a taboo!

Reality is something else entirely
And you would see what it is... pretty clearly
Pay attention to every word, read between the lines
End, although not happy, is the key...you would soon realize.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Thoughts of a non-writer...

There are a lot of people who have told me that they don't like to read much but they still like to read what I write ::Blush:: and then there are some who tell me that my writing has inspired them to write as well ::Blush::Blush:: to be honest, it doesn't feel good... it feels great! To be able to introduce someone to the wonderful world of reading and writing is very satisfying... trust me. 

Some days back, this friend of mine - Parul Jain - read my blog for the first time and liked it. (Her words not mine ;) ) she not only read many posts, but also told me about her take on some of them (you might have seen the point added later on the post - love and some of it's many cliches - that was her :) ) She was one of those people who had told me that after reading my blog she felt like writing too, in fact she did write something and I naturally wanted to read it! So, I asked her to send it to me... she did and also sent something that she had written sometime back... I read them, loved her thought process and decided to share it with everyone...

So, here, it goes...

Presenting Ms. Parul Jain and her thoughts - 

Motherly Instinct

People are always inquisitive about a girl who is unmarried but has a dream of having a child. if you are wondering who that girl is? It's me. I am 21yrs old, lively and a mature girl (according to me) but instead of talking about good looking hunks, marriage, career, I usually mull about the next generation. I am usually not very pally with kids, i cant talk or play with them for more than 15 mins. But, If I ponder about how I will bring up my kid than many thoughts come into my mind.

Today, in a world where the definition of love has changed from selfless to selfishness, it is only mother's love that has remained unaffected. The love of a mother for her child was and still is unconditional.

I never think whether I will have a naughty kid or a cute princess... but I always dream of how i will raise my child. I have read articles on child psychology and watched TV shows on 'how to be a good parent'...and i have learned that, it is really a difficult task to introduce an innocent soul into this selfish and commercialized world.

Although i am ambitious and want to climb the corporate ladder but if I ever have to choose between my desires and my responsibilities towards my family and child, I am pretty sure that I will go for the latter.

My Parents have given me everything...freedom to choose my life path, all the luxuries of life, but most importantly, they have given me their Love and I want to do same with my kid. I have had a happy childhood but i still crave to live through my child. I want to learn all the names of fruits and vegetables again, I want to re-read the pages of ancient history, i want to once again understand the logic behind the various mathematical equations, I want to memorize the dohas and nursery rhymes again...In short i want to be a child again.

I want to make him/her do the things which i wanted to do but due to some circumstances i couldn't. that doesn't mean I will impose my opinion on him/her but surely show her the way of reaching whatever goals she sets for herself. After already going through life as a student, i understand the fact that everybody cannot be an Einstein so I will never pressurize them to come first in class but ask them to give their best in whatever they do.

Maybe, at the age of forty i will not be earning good enough salary or might not be getting big incentives but yes i know i would have achieved something, that might not be counted as success in the eyes of many people, but that would truly satiate my inner soul... i know I would have raised grounded man / woman.

Parul wrote this when she was only 21... what an amazing thought for a young girl of 21! when other girls are thinking about having boyfriends, she was thinking about raising a kid! commendable indeed.
Now Another one of her articles that she sent me and which is well, about me and the blog... Read on... 
A Thought 

After years today i talked to one my friends on Gtalk (google talk or girl talk whatever one calls it). Whenever I log in I often see her online but never bothered to drop in a 'hi' because she was just a good acquaintance... not a very close friend of mine but undoubtedly an awesome soul.

But I was always very inquisitive about her status messages because usually they were just some words or some weird line from which one cannot derive any meaning. But always next to the line is a link.
Today also there was that weird line and next to it the ever-mentioned link. This time it said 'Love and some of it's many cliches'. The word 'Love' attracts almost everyone on this planet so I also became the prey of this word and went ahead and clicked on the link which was to her bogging site. There, I read some of her articles. I was aware about the fact that she is an excellent writer but first time I actually witnessed it.
After reading that particular post, I realised how we easily pick up some cheesy line from a movie and blindly start following it without giving it a second / practical thought. For example we believe in lines like love is blind, first love is last love or even the movie's ('kuch kuch hota hai') famous dialogue - 'hum ek baar jite hai... pyar bhi ek baar karte hai.'...After knowing fully well that we should love with open eyes, one falls into love many times etc etc but still we choose to adhere to those cliches when it comes to Love.

I read two more of her posts, rather award winning blogs... 'what men want' and 'Mystery' also known as 'what women want'. After reading them I realized that do both genders actually know what they want from each other? If there is an affirmative answer then why are there broken relationships? i think it is difficult to fulfil each other's desires until and unless they meet half way.

Blogging like the social networking sites is a new parasite among youth which they are using day & night just to stay connected and share themselves and their thoughts with the universe. it has become the best way to express one's thoughts and share it with many.
Today it is just this blog which is keeping me and my friend together... through our shared thoughts.

These are the thoughts of a girl who wanted to share her thought with me... After reading them and with her permission of course, I have shared them with you all... Do encourage her like you have encouraged me. The thoughts and the words are all hers... i have just done some nips and tucks here and there... :) hope you enjoyed... 

Also, I might not be a 'cosmopolitan' or a 'vogue' or even a very popular blog... but if you want anything to say and don't have a blog, i would love to be your mouthpiece... you can begin your own also, it is very simple and easy... but if you don't have the inclination to start one, you can drop in a comment with your email id telling me a little about whatever you want to say & I will publish it on my blog with due credit to you obviously! Nothing abusive and indecent, though. 

Happy reading & Happy writing :) 

Friday, May 27, 2011

Real Beauty... what it means to be really beautiful

Real Beauty... what does this term mean to me? well, it might seem cliched but for me real beauty is skin deep. It is more deep than how fair your complexion is or how sharp your features are! As i said before it might be cliched but isn't it true? agreed the way you look alters people's perception. like they say first impression is pretty important but is, i.e. the first impression, the last? I certainly don't think so... how many times, have you seen a beautiful woman and when she starts talking, you can do nothing but cringe?! how many times have you swooned over a handsome hunk only to think later, 'How dumb is he?!' 'n' number of times, right?! me too! after interacting with many such beautiful faces i have realized that beauty is indeed skin deep. what you are inside should be much more beautiful than what you are outside. 

For me...
that mother is beautiful who forgoes her share of food so that her husband and kids have their full... that sister is beautiful who saves up her six months of salary so that she can give the prefect rakhi present to her younger brother... that daughter-in-law is beautiful who even after completing an MBA leaves her high-flying career to be with her aging in-laws... The daughter who forgets her love to see a smile on her parents' face... the wife who waits up for her husband so that they can have at least one hot meal together.

These might not be life-changing issues but it is these small considerations, this selfless love that makes one beautiful from inside and outside.

And it's not only women who have real beauty, it's the men too... that son who works double shifts so that he can buy a house for his parents... that father who gives up his share of the luxuries of life so that his children can have them...That brother who spends all his money shopping for his little sister on his first out-of-India trip... that husband who after completing a 14 hour shift comes home and helps his wife in making dinner...
Now isn't that beautiful? I think so...

and what about that guy who marries a girl even after his parents discourage him because she is not getting enough dowry? that child who shares half her lunch with the street urchin? that corporate guru who leaves his high-paying job to work at the grass root level in the villages? that lady who gives her new sari to the maid because her daughter is getting married and she can't afford to buy one? that teenager who takes out time every day and sits for an hour with his aging grandparents? that woman who saves a young girl from being eve-teased in a crowded bus...

Aren't all these people much more beautiful than our regular beauty pageant winners? Aren't these people who might not have outward beauty more beautiful than the so-called supermodels? is the fact that how you look, how fair is your skin tone, do you have any blemish... the only benchmark for beauty? and if it is then how shallow are we?!

In today's day and age, it is pretty easy to alter the way you look from outside but the need of the hour is to change the way you are from inside... you can remove the blemishes from your face,but what you need is to erase the blemishes from your heart!

it's time to be really beautiful... it's time to let go of prejudices and petty issues... it's time to be a little less selfish and little more selfless... a time to stop thinking of me but concentrating on we... it's time to rise above it all and if you manage to do that you indeed would posses real beauty of heart and of character.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Lost, Found... Lost Again!

This is a story I submitted for the manohar kahaniyan section of an e-zine - 21fools and those foolish people published it! Don't believe me? See for your self - Lost, Found... and Lost Again! Now, would I lie to you?! :P

And now you can read it right here as well... just scroll down!


He couldn’t believe his eyes. She was standing there... right in front of him. Just inches away. She was engrossed in looking at some flowers on the trees and hadn’t noticed him yet. He was confused. What is she doing here? He saw a guest at his hotel come and stand with her. Oh, she is with the wedding party. He was seeing her after three years but she looked the same... she still looked beautiful. He noticed that she had lost weight. She had also cut her hair that he loved so much. In an attempt to move on, I am sure. She was smiling at something her companion had said but he noticed that her smile did not reflect in her eyes anymore. And then suddenly, without warning, she turned and looked straight at him.

He couldn’t move. It was as if her gaze had locked him. Their eyes met and she stopped smiling abruptly. She stared at him for another couple of minutes. He could sense many emotions...shock, confusion, hurt, anger, pain... pass through her face but her eyes were dry, yet. He wanted to touch her, stroke her cheek, hold her in his arms but wasn’t sure if that would be okay. He hesitantly took a step towards her and she took a step back. He reached out to her, said her name softly, “Mukti” “Stop. Don’t!”, and with that she hid her face in her hands and ran away.

Her companion looked at him with suspicion and then followed her. He stood rooted to the spot. I am sorry, Mukti. I am really sorry. I wish I could take everything back, but I can’t. I hope one day you will forgive me. He knew he meant every word. He knew that he would never be able to tell that to her face; that nothing could be the way it was before. He knew that he has lost her... forever. He looked down and walked back to his office. He shut the door behind him and cried silent tears of remorse... all alone.


She had come to attend a friend’s wedding. She hated weddings but her friend had insisted. ‘It would be good for you. It’s happening at this beautiful resort in Shimla. You would love it.’ and she had agreed. She sighed. She was feeling so out of place here. Everyone was so happy but she had forgotten how to smile. She had forgotten what it was like to be truly happy. She came out in the lawn to take a walk. She saw a beautiful tree in full bloom and stopped to admire it. She tried to reach and pick a flower when her friend’s cousin came out.

He had been flirting with her, pretty uselessly, for the last one hour. She sighed and put up a fake smile in place. He started talking about weddings and how he loved attending them. She was smiling politely but wasn’t really listening. Suddenly she felt someone staring at her and turned to look at him. She froze. She couldn’t believe that it was him.

Raghav?! What is he doing here? She stood transfixed. She didn’t know what to do. What to say? Should she stay? Should she talk to him? But what will she say? She hadn’t spoken to him in three years but not one day had gone by when she hadn’t thought of him. She remembered everything... in excruciating detail. She saw him move towards her, say her name. In that instant she knew, she was not ready... not ready to reconcile, not ready to forgive him, not ready to forgive herself...not just yet.

“Stop. Don’t,” these two words just opened the flood gates. Her eyes, that hadn’t shed a single tear in the last two years, welled up. I can’t do this right now. She covered her face and ran back to her room. Once inside, she bolted the room and cried her heart out. I wish I could turn back time, Raghav. I wish I hadn’t lied to you. She could hear the banging on the door, but she didn’t care... she wanted to grieve and grieve alone.

His & Hers... Three years before

Things weren’t right for a long time and Mukti could feel it. They had known each other for five years and she couldn’t understand what had suddenly gone so wrong. Their shy smiles across the room had stopped and so had the holding of hands while walking; saying ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ after every conversation, calling each other 20 times a day, and all the other idiosyncrasies that one associates with being in a relationship.

In the beginning, she was worried. What is happening to us? Are we falling out of love? She had a talk with Raghav who said, “I still love you but now you have to understand that we are married. The responsibilities have increased. Things have to change but nothing to worry about. It’s all good. Sweety, can you hand me that file please? It is on the table outside.” Mukti wasn’t convinced. She still missed their long drives, eating out sessions, his phone calls, but she stopped complaining.

After one year of marriage, she also fell into the daily routine of household chores and office work. They hardly spoke, because both of them were too tired after working for almost ten hours every day. They hardly went out, as their work schedules kept them pretty busy... sometimes even on weekends. Even though both felt it and missed each other but neither complained to the other. They both adjusted.

Another year passed and nothing changed. Raghav got a promotion and he had to put in more hours than before. He was always stressed out and irritated. He would leave before her and would come back late at night. Most of the times she would be sleeping when he walked in... Exhausted. Mukti wanted to have a baby but he was too busy to even have a discussion about it. Two years and eight months later, she conceived a baby. Mukti was nervous. She decided to tell him over a romantic dinner that she would cook for him. She got busy preparing all his favourite dishes. It was meant to be a surprise. She got dressed and waited for him to come home. At ten, when he didn’t turn up, she called him up.

“Raghav? Where are you? I am waiting for you for dinner.”

“Why?” he couldn’t understand why she was waiting up for him, “Go to sleep. I will be late and I have already eaten.”

She was angry, “why didn’t you tell me? I have been waiting for you.”

“Mukti, what’s wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? Have I ever told you before when I am getting late? I thought you are used to it by now.”

“I don’t want to be used to it! I am your wife damn it! I am not some roommate you live with!! You need to tell me when you are going to get late!” she didn’t realize that she was screaming.

“Jeez Mukti!! Relax and stop shouting. I don’t have time for this right now. I am busy. Eat something and go to bed. I might have to stay in the hotel only.” He said.

“Do whatever you want.” She hung up. She stared at the phone waiting for him to call back. He always called back after a fight, but this time he didn’t. Tears welled up in her eyes. She wiped them and put the food in the fridge. She changed and went to bed. She kept lying there in the darkness and reflected on their marriage. She realized that she didn’t like the way their loving and caring relationship had turned into a marriage of convenience. She decided that she would talk to him once he came back. She touched her stomach trying to feel the growing life inside... she couldn’t feel anything and that scared her more than it should.

She again stared at the phone. It had not ringed.

We’ll never go to bed angry with each other. We’ll always make up before sleeping.

She remembered the pact they had made when they first starting seeing each other. She called him up. He saw the phone ringing but he didn’t pick up. He was also angry at her. He was not out having fun, he was working. She should understand that. He put the phone on silent and went to meet the guests at the party.

She stopped calling after 4 times and went to sleep.

The next evening, she was lying on the couch when she heard him walk into the house.

Without any preamble, he asked, “you didn’t go to office today?”

“I was at the hospital”, she said.

“Why? What happened?”, he asked washing his face.

“I had an abortion.” She said without any emotion.

“What?!” he looked up at her, “you are pregnant?”

“No, I was. I had an abortion in the morning.”

“What the hell Mukti? You didn’t even tell me that you were pregnant?! How can you go and have an abortion without me?! It was my baby too!!”

“You don’t tell me stuff so why should I?”

“You are equating me not telling you that I am coming late to getting an abortion without telling me?! Do you hear yourself? Have you gone mad?!”

“Look at us Raghav. We are not ready to have a baby.”

“You can’t decide that alone!” he was yelling now and moving towards her.

“We don’t have time for each other how will we manage a baby? It’s been ages since we sat down and had dinner together. Who will take care of a baby?!”

“Mukti, I understand that we have not been able to spend time together but that doesn’t mean that you go ahead and have an abortion! You could have spoken to me; we could have worked it out!”

The fight continued and all old wounds were opened up... you don’t have time for me, you don’t tell me important stuff, I feel like I am living alone, I am lonely, you are not supportive enough, you don’t believe in us... etcetera.

“You don’t bother about me! Do you even know what do I do when you are not here? What if I am having an affair? I bet you wouldn’t even care! What if the baby was not even yours? You would never find out!!” Mukti yelled not thinking what she was saying. She was that angry.
The next instant she felt his hand on her cheek. He had slapped her. She fell on the table and felt an excruciating pain in her stomach.

“My baby” she screamed.

But Raghav wasn’t listening. He was standing there like a zombie. he was astonished at his reaction. He had slapped her. He had hurt her. How could he do this? He looked at his hand. How could he be so angry? She forced me!

He heard her cry again and saw her doubled up on the floor clutching her stomach. He went and picked her up and ran downstairs to his car.

The doctor told them that she has had a miscarriage. He was dumbstruck.

I never had an abortion. I was just so angry with you that I lied.’ she had said, ‘I can’t believe you would hit me. I can’t do this anymore Raghav. I just can’t.’

He had just stood there, tears streaming down his face. She moved out and he didn’t stop her. She stopped all communication and he let her. None of them filed for divorce. It was too painful.

Now, three years later, they had come face-to-face and all those emotions rushed to the surface. For the last three years they had been coping alone with all that had happened... but they didn’t know that both of them were still together... even if it was in pain.

P.S. - Do browse around 21fools for some great reading experience and they are also looking for people to work for them! So what are you waiting for, click on the link and start browsing!

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Young Widow


She was 23 years old and a widow. She had been married for three months only when her new husband had met with an accident and lost his life instantly. Hers was an arranged match. She was just starting to know the new man in her life when he was unceremoniously taken away from her. She was sad but not devastated... and for that she felt guilty. More than anything she was confused... people would come to her and cry and tell her how sorry they are for her loss. They would tell her that everything would be all right and slowly she would get used to him not being around. she had got used to him being not around. in fact she had never got used to him being around. she was married for three months only. She never told anyone but she, after two months, had stopped missing him... after all she knew him only for six months. She didn’t cry much after the funeral but she couldn’t smile either... not because she didn’t want to but because she was expected not to. She was confined in the small house. She felt that she was also dying inside... each minute at a time. She felt stifled. She wanted to shout out! She went to go out and meet her friends. She wanted to see the latest movie. She wanted to go shopping. She wanted to dress up... but she couldn’t. She couldn’t go out alone, she couldn’t meet her friends, she couldn’t go shopping and she couldn’t dress up... what's the point of dressing up now? her mother in law used to say. My husband is dead, not me! I am only 23! I was only married for three months! I didn’t even know him properly! She wanted to yell at everyone but no one heard her silent screams... no one heard her pregnant silences. Over time when she would be sitting alone, she would start crying. People used to think she was missing her husband... she was missing him but only because by leaving the world he had turned her into a zombie... who was expected to behave in a certain way, who was not supposed to eat, drink and be merry. Then, after six months of her husband’s death she met him. he was her husband’s school friend’s friend. her husband’s friend lived out of India and had just returned back. He came to meet her mother-in-law and started coming often. He used to sit with her sasuma and talk for hours about her husband. Then one day he brought along a friend, it was him... Raj. Raj was someone who was complete opposite of any man she had ever met. He was outgoing and fun-loving. Unlike her husband’s friend who felt sorry for her and always used to talk to her politely, raj used to talk with her like she was one of the buddies. He made her laugh. She started looking forward to his visits. She didn’t know why or how but she was terribly attracted to raj. she was always feeling anxious but with this feeling of anticipation and excitement.... there was always guilt... For liking someone else, for having feeling for someone else... she didn’t know what to do? She didn’t know who to turn to? All she knew was that after her husband passed away raj was the first man to make her feel that on that fateful night, it was her husband who had died and not her. She wanted to tell him how she felt... she wanted to tell him how alive she made him feel... she wanted to say a lot of things that she hadn’t shared with anyone but she was scared... of her family, the society. she didn't know how much longer she could hide this fact... she wanted to tell everyone that she wants to live again... with raj.


He was out of India on a business trip when he heard that his best friend from school had passed away. he was saddened... deeply. He had known him all his life. He even went to his wedding. That had happened only three months before. His poor wife, he thought. He applied for a leave to attend his funeral but it was not granted. The project he was working on had run into some problems and there was no chance that he would be allowed to leave for at least six months. He started counting days. After  the project was completed, he headed home and went to his best friend’s house to offer his condolences and meet his mother. It was there that he met her... his friend’s wife. She looked pretty young... younger than him. And she was already widowed. She was dressed in a simple off white salwar kameez without any make up, without any jewellery. His heart went out to her. his friends’ family has always been very conservative so he could imagine the plight of the young bahu. She is only 23! He used to think. As his visits increased so did his attraction towards her. He couldn’t get her out of his mind. Her expressionless face always swam in front of his eyes. when he couldn’t take it anymore, he turned to a friend, Raj, for advice. Raj offered to help him and started accompanying him. raj was an extrovert. He not only won over the mother but also her. She started smiling a little bit... though shyly. She started to join in on the conversation. He was happy seeing her happy.  He was just looking for  the right opportunity to tell her and everyone else that he intends to marry and live the rest of her life... with her. 


He was helping a friend. his friend had fallen in love with a young widow and needed his help to get her out of her shell... his friend wanted his help in bringing the young widow out of his grief. when he first saw her, he felt sorry for her. she is so young, he thought. life is unfair, he sighed. he even told his fiance about it who couldn't understand why was she expected to behave in that manner? why was she supposed to forget about her likes and dislikes and live like a zombie. he agreed with her fiance. he also wanted to help her get back to her old self. he knew she would be happy with his friend. and slowly, she started smiling and talking a bit. he just wanted that the  young widow would start living again... he just wanted to see her happy with him, his best friend.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Love and some of it's many cliches!

Okay, now this post is about love and the many little clichés associated with it. Don’t get me wrong I am a true blue romantic! If you have been following my posts, you would know that! I have done my share of being stupid and a little crazy in love... well not as crazy as what people around me have been... but some little crazy things! For example leaving a perfect job and following my husband into the jungles of kerala. Yeah, done that.

Anyway, this post is not about my love life... but rather about love in general and what all it makes us poor mortals do!

So, let’s get started.

Number one on my list of ‘love cliches’ is - 'We fall in love only once.'
This statement or thought has been hugely popularized by our Desi movies. for example, do you remember Shah Rukh Khan in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai who very poignantly declared (not once but twice!) 'Hum ek baar jite hain, ek baar marte hain, shaadi bhi ek baar hoti hai, aur pyar....ek hi baar hota hai'

Applause?! I don't think so.

After declaring this what does he do in the end? do you remember? He very promptly... not only falls in love but marries twice! how convenient... wife dies, assigns his 'EIGHT' year old daughter to reunite the lovers and bam! let me get back with my childhood sweetheart who i had left for the hot girl! Many of you would allege that the dialogue was incorporated in the movie to show that there is no control over how you feel when you find that one true love! So that means Kajol was his true love and not Rani... his wife, the mother of his daughter?! What was that then?! Fake love?! You tell me...
anyway, the point is you can fall in love 'n' number of times and in reality that's what this movie showed! but do we remember that? no, all we remember is the dialogue and follow it religiously!

Another clich̩ Р'your first love is always special and that is why you can never forget that person. in fact you always, deep-down-inside, love him.

Hmm... now i personally don't believe in first love, second love, third love and so on. love is love, right?! I mean if first love is special, then second love is less special? What about third love...? is it least special?
Now, I agree with the first part - first love is always special... but that is irrespective of the person you fall in love with. (yes, that's right! more often than not in the future after your first love has abandoned you and left you heartbroken, you look back at that person you fell heads-over-heels in love with and wonder... why?! Why did you choose him? what was so special in him?!) For me, first love is special because that's the first time we feel what's it like to be in love... we realize that love sure makes the world go round! It makes you see everything with rose-tinted glasses. You are floating on air, you want to look good for the other person, you experience jealousy if he talks to anyone else but you, you become anxious, you wait endlessly for that one call, one message and in today's age, one friend request from that someone special...

So that feeling is special and by extension that person because he/ she made you feel all that. He introduced you to love and not because of some deep-down-you-still-love-him-and-always-will shit! I mean think about it, if you still love him and he still loves you why are you not together?! you are not together because something went wrong... this could be because of situations that are out of your control, you might say. if it is indeed true love... situations and circumstances don't matter. if someone wants to be with you, they would make it happen and if they can't make it happen, then that love is not strong enough... it's not that special!

Next. Now this one is not very popular. I doubt you wont even have heard of it. it goes something like this - "we always our first love is our last and our last love, our first."

I had heard this line some years back (don't remember who said it and to whom, where it was said and in what context) but i still remember it, don't know why.

(you might have seen this as my facebook page’s status also... that is if you follow my facebook page. oh you don't? then you can just click on this link -> The Grey Area  and like the page. simple ain't it?)

okay, now that i have shamelessly promoted myself (yeah i am a little shameless that ways, so sue me!) let's get back to the post... When I first heard it I didn't understand it much, can't claim to understand it fully now also but I think I have got a notion... when we fall in love for the first time, we believe that this is it. this is going to last till the end of time. the one in our arms right now would be the one in our arms forever. but how wrong are we! more often than not, the first love is not the last love... not even close! (Barring those lucky few whose first love does turn into their last love... now are they lucky or unlucky that's for them to decide ;) ) anyway, coming back to the point...  when this illusion that we fall in love only once breaks (trust me it does break!) and we go through many many heartaches, we finally find someone with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives with... that someone who is there for us through thick and thin ( i mean both changing time and waist sizes!) ... and when we find that 'someone' we tend to realize that this is love and all that we felt before was nothing compared to what we are feeling now... we realize this indeed is our first love and all that before was just hormones acting out! how easy it becomes to belittle those very emotions that at that time had made our world go round! Love sure makes us crazy!

Last but not the least – Love is blind.

Why?! why does love has to be blind? You should fall in love with your eyes wide open! You should know what you are getting into! And who you are getting into it with! I have come across many people who follow this adage and quote it to justify their sometimes stupid and sometimes pretty irresponsible decisions! I know people who get inked or leave their jobs or leave their family for the love of their lives! i know of teenagers who have started calling their boyfriends’ mother as their mother in law, who only choose a certain subject because their lover has them as well, who are ready to spend the last penny of their pocket money on phone bills, who lie to their parents through their teeth... is that right? well... to each his own!

but the point is how many of us end up with that person? unfortunately (or fortunately) not many... we grow up and the emotions die down and that love turns into anger, hate and slowly indifference...in that order.

Now, I am not saying that you shouldn't fall in love or am against being in love and doing crazy things for the one you love... i am a full supporter of it. but I am just saying that love should not be blind or deaf or mute or crazy for that matter... i know people who say that if love is logical it is not love... why? why can't you be practical and be in love at the same time? does being an emotional fool a pre-requisite of being in love? not for me!

 And oh, how can i forget... what's with love at first sight?! now how does that work? how can you fall in love with someone by just looking at them?! it doesn't look like love, it looks more like lust to me... lust is at first sight, love take time. you need to know the person, all his idiosyncrasies and stupidities and then if you still want to be with them... well that's love. i remember another line from a movie, 'I don't believe in love at first sight, i believe in taking a deeper look.'

So, people... in a gist... you don't fall in love once! the feeling of first love is special and not the person! first love is not your last and neither is last love your first! Love is not blind! and do take a deeper look before committing forever!

With that I end this post... hope you had fun.

Disclaimer: This post is meant for humorous purposes only. Any resemblance to emotions of real
persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. :P

P.S. if there is any other cliche you can think of... add it as a comment here or at the facebook page by the same name - The Grey Area (OK, OK I will stop promoting it! :P)

One of my friends Parul read this post and added a cliche... "if you love someone, let them free. if they are yours they will come back... if they don't they never were." or something to this effect.

now this is funny... love is not a trap! you don't put people in cages so you can't let them free! and if someone walks out of a relationship... it's because they want to end it. the only reason they will come back is that because someone out there made them realize how worthless they are! they are not coming back because they love you... they will come back because they can't find anyone else! so if you want to be with someone who broke your heart, went out with other people, got his own heart broken and then realized that he should be with you... it's your choice but I would say... if someone breaks your heart once, they can do it again. and like parul said... if they want to come back, why would they go?! stop living in dreams.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Love... Lost!

As he sat there in front of the holy fire, he tried not think of the past. he felt a light touch on his shoulder. it was his mother insisting him to put his hand out. he looked at the woman sitting next to him. it was not her. it was someone else, someone he didn't love... yet. you will fall in love with her. don't worry. everyone had told him but he didn't believe them. he had his doubts because he had already fallen in love. he had found the love of his life... and lost it. he didn't have the strength to go through it again. he looked at the blushing bride sitting next to him. she was smiling, oblivious to the doubts going through his head. he stared at the fire again. the past came rushing back. four years before... the same fire, the same decorations, the same guests from his side, the same food and drink, the same celebrations... but that time he was a part of it because he was marrying her... his soul mate. he remembered how she had looked that day. resplendent in a bright red outfit, decked from head to toe. he smiled as he remembered how she had whispered that she can't wait for the pheras to get over so that she can get out of of the lehanga and the n kilos of jewellery she was wearing. again the pandit said something and he came out of his reverie. his sister tied the end of his stole with that of his would-be wife's dupatta. he stood up to take the pheras. he started walking but he was not listening. he was thinking about her. how everything had been perfect. their wedding, their marriage. how happy he was and how all of a sudden everything was taken away from him. he had lost her... in the blink of an eye. three years before, he had gone to work like always. he had hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. she stood at the gate waving him off, smiling. if I had known that would be the last time I would see her, I would have never left. when he came that evening, she was not there. her cell was switched off. he had called everyone but nobody knew where she was. He felt someone touch his hand. it was his mother. she had stopped him. now the girl would walk ahead. the pandit was saying. he let her walk in front. he had gone to the police. he had done everything... well, that's what everyone told him. she never came back. she just disappeared... from his life but not from his heart. he kept looking for her for three long years. then, some six months before, her mother started insisting that he get married again. after refusing initially, he gave in. and today he was getting married to someone else. his train of thoughts was broken by a loud clank. a tray had fallen shattering all the glasses kept on it. he looked in the direction of the noise and stood frozen. lying there on the ground in a heap was her... the love of his life. The wedding is complete. now you are husband and wife. he heard the pandit say.

She was going to a wedding her parents were taking her too. it was their friend's daughter's wedding and they were pretty excited about it. it would be the first time they would be visiting Delhi after almost two years. she didn't remember much of Delhi. in fact she didn't remember much of anything except the past three years. as she was sitting in the flight looking at the floating clouds she looked at her sleeping parents or her foster parents. They had found her in a hospital in Delhi lying unconscious. they had come there for their daughter's operation. they had lost their own child but found her instead. the doctors attending to her had told them that she had been in an accident and had lost her memory. they couldn't find any identification on her so they didn't know what to do. they would hand her over to the police. one look at her sleeping face, and they had fallen in love with her... that's what they had told her. they thought that their daughter has come back to life. they took her to mumbai with them and that's where she had been living for the last three years. they had taken her to Delhi a couple of times in the beginning... taking her to the place where the doctors had told them that her accident had happened but she couldn't remember anything. finally, after many such failed attempts, she herself had told them to stop. you are my family now. i would like to live with you guys if that's not a problem. they had agreed. in the beginning it was quite difficult... she didn't know what she used to do. how much had she studied. but slowly she started going to her father's bookstore and realized she loved books. she helped him at the store and life was good. her parents were also looking for her to get married but whenever that topic came up, she used to feel very uncomfortable. last week, her parents had introduced her to a boy. he was an investment banker. she had met him but felt uneasy all through out... like she is doing something wrong. i felt guilty. she thought staring out the plane. she had told her mother who had just smiled and said that there is no hurry. she could take her time. today they were attending the wedding and her parents were hopeful that their daughter would find someone... maybe the love of her life! weddings are ideal place to find someone. we also found each other at a friend's wedding. her mother had told her shyly. she smiled remembering that conversation. that evening, she got dressed an entered the wedding party. as she looked around, she felt uneasy. something was wrong again. i have been here before. i know these people. she looked at the mandap and saw him. he was getting married to someone else. she felt light-headed. No, you can't get married to someone else. i am here. i am here. she wanted to shout but no words came out. she felt the ground moving beneath her feet. she reached out to hold something but instead knocked the tray out of a waiter. she could see his face looking at her as she fell to the floor. The wedding is complete. now you are husband and wife. she heard the pandit say before everything fell silent.

Monday, May 2, 2011

One Picture!

So, Today is the last day of the '10 day you challenge'. In these last ten days, I learned so many things about myself that I didn't already know... i mean it was there in my subconscious mind but to get into the fore was one task. before every post I had to think so much about the content that was required for that specific day. Not only I had to write what i like but also why i like it and that required some serious thinking! it is so ironical that you can go on and on about someone else but when asked to write about yourself, you need to think so much...well I had to and I loved every step of this self-discovery.

Today it is about ONE PICTURE -

I know I had to post my picture... but i think this picture (which is also my blog picture) sums me up perfectly... a girl busy writing. that's who I was, I am and I will eternally be... I am just a girl busy writing. :)

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Two Songs... about Love that I Love!

Hmm... this keeps getting tougher! TWO SONGS -

2. Suno Na from Chalte Chalte... This song has a very nice story behind it. When I had just started seeing my husband back in 2008, we were talking on the phone once late at night. it was almost 2 in the morning and I was very sleepy. he suddenly said that he sings very well. i thought that he is fibbing so i asked him to sing a song for me. he sang a rajasthani folk song... horribly. i smiled to myself thinking that i was right and i have had this guy figured out. so, i said good night to him and hung up. as i was just about to go to sleep he called up and sang this song (Suno na suno na sun lo na, humsafar mujhi ko chun lo na) complete with a guitar... brilliantly i might add. I actually thought that he has played the song on a stereo but it was him all along. at the end, he said, 'I mean every word.' and i couldn't stop smiling... i still can't when i hear this one :)

1. Tere Bina from Guru... I don't understand the lyrics much but somehow I love it... more than any other song. the only line i do understand is... 'tere bina sona peetal' and i just think this one line sums up the essence of love beautifully, right?

My two most loved songs... and they are both about love ;)

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