Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Black? White? Grey...

Black and white… these are two of my favorite colors. I love black and white pictures, they have a tendency to make you look prettier… don't know why, but they somehow do... u can try...

But in life things can’t always be slotted into these two shades. And the sad part is that people fail to realize that they can’t compartmentalize things into black or white… sometime things are in-between… They are in the grey area (that’s the whole thought process behind the name... see now you know :P)

Recently (well, not recently. It has happened some time back) I came face-to-face with a situation that made me realize that things are not always right or wrong, they are just maybe. this incident involved a friend, a batchmate and a mail. well, i would love to elaborate but i cant... privacy issues and all that jazz... what i can say is that this friend of mine recieved a mail from this batchmate (of ours) labelling her an alcoholic just because he saw her once having A drink (pls note - singular / one drink). And since according to him, this is going against our culture (he should campaign for that mangalore guy!) he has to break all ties with her. Now my friend is not some page three party person. (if she was, i could still understand the alcoholic bit. i would still not agree, but i could understand where he is coming from) she is a MBA drawing a five figure salary and is working in an MNC (that’s another thing that she hates her job, but like I said before who doesn’t?). After a hectic day at work she likes to party … that means, she flirts (not very successfully though), dances (not very gracefully) and enjoys her drinks and sometimes take a drag or two (she smokes basically). Now let me come to the guy, he is also not a 12th pass. in fact he was one of the toppers of our batch, went on to complete his engineering from one of the premier institutes and has won prizes for his projects and is now working in an MNC too and hates his job (the last one is just a speculation).

According to me (and I maybe wrong), there are so many things that are not right with this… not because this happened to my friend but because it happened to some woman. That batchmate is someone who sees things in black and white… if it is no white, it has to be black. If anything doesn’t conform to his sensibilities it has to be wrong. I remember a situation from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (yeah yeah I know I am quoting a sitcom… so what!) Joey says to Chandler, “if I can’t see it, It doesnt exist.” To which Chandler replies, “Have u seen China?”, Joey shakes his head and then Chandler says, “So, does that mean China doesn’t exist?!” How true. Just because we dont know something, does that mean it doesnt happen? if we dont like something, does that make it wrong of someone else likes it?

I think that’s the problem with most of the people, they are a joey. They believe that if they don’t know something, either it doesn’t exist or it is wrong. The same is the problem with this guy, he hadn’t seen girls smoking and thats why he termed it as wrong. First of all, i would advice him to increase his worldview, girls can smoke. if you take a drag, you are not addicted to it. and even if she is, who are you to tell her what to do?

And what saddens me more is that guy was a topper of our school. He went on to complete graduation from one of the permier institutes of our country and this is his thought process? This is how he thinks? He can’t look beyond a drink and a smoke?! This is our education system? This regressive school of thinking? That a guy cant get over a fact that a girl can also drink? why does it always stop at a girl and a guy? would it have mattered much if instead of a girl, it was a guy? why is it that even in a 21st century, girls have to hide the fact that they smoke, drink, date, go clubbing? why is a woman termed as having a loose character if she is seen in the company of guys?

but, thank god all men are not like that. and thank god this percpective is changing. i got this mail... from a guy... which expresses the plight of a working woman very correctly -

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven ' t, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn ' t want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won ' t like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won ' t, simply Because you won ' t like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some time and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this... they still want a seedhi saadhi gharelu ladki. What are they so afraid of i dont understand? they still have issues if the woman makes more than them... maybe they see her as a threat to their masculinity... who knows? who cares?!

All i want to say is that it has been years since the colour TV was launched. if you can see your movies in colour, pls start seeing your life and the people in it in colour as well. The time of black and white has long gone. the picture might look prettier but it might not be correct. this is the 21st century, and everything is not in white (right) or in black (wrong)... it is in the grey area :P

P.S. - I didnt intend to hurt any sensibilities but if i have, i am sorry. (the person(s) for whom this is meant would know when he / she reads it)

7 comments:

  1. an Eye Opener

    hope he reads it soon.......... very soon..... he may open his eyes soon......oh i am not a girl/woman or a lady.......... i am at the other end of the pole....very far side, where opposite poles never ever attract each other....

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  2. firstly ....joey cant even qualify into a IIT ....and i know a thing or 2 bout these "toppers".....(no...i am not a topper).....they r good guys ...if u have a problem wid calculus ...but what if ur problem requires a practical,pragmatic and "hands on" approach....like a street brawl,fist fighting breakin noses and fancy driving to escape police...???..no school,iit or institution can make u street smart .....a military academy can....to a extent ...but nothing is idiot proof in this world .....so...aneways ....this lack of street smartness gives some ....i say some of the geeks a complex ...and they feel entire world is snubbing them when someone does something outta norm and carries it off stylishly ...like a smokin gal...er...i mean a gal smokin cigarettes ....or sumthin like that ...
    and megha u have really gone bonkers while describing a workin married woman.....now i realise how hard it must have been for my mom....
    i may not half the street smart as dustin hoffman in rainman....but i would say GO GALS !!..do ur stuff....infact i say any woman who seeks to be equal of man lacks ambition...so reach for the sky

    P.S. i was once in love wid a gal(of course )...what i mean is she too was ambitious,well read,go getter,smart, funny, sexy, emotional,was into BSDM...(OK... thats a joke).....but somewhere she forgot her own self ...and her ego took over....maybe 95% of u gals out there ar not like this ....but those who are ,,,r hurting some one ....vedas say a home or a grihastashram revolves round the woman of the house ....she keeps all together ....if she forgets her responsibilities ....alls lost
    and as far as my story is concerned ....i found out that we had a thing in common.....we were both in love wid the same gal

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  3. The substance in your write up has gone great since i read the first article.
    Keep going and whatever happens i want you to keep writing.
    You're sure going to make it big.
    KEEP IT UP, I'M PROUD OF YOU.

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  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  5. thanks guys... m glad all the comments to this post are from guys.

    Sorry had to delete one as it revealed the identities of the people abt whom this is written... cant have that now, can we :P

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  6. Megha, though I have clarified everything with you, or with the girl being talked about in the blog...I still want to add a comment as school batchmates are calling me up and saying that it clearly shows that blog talks about me....so I want to fully express myself and give my point of view on comments as well as blog(which I read completly first time today:P):

    Firstly the blogs actually talks about me.

    Secondly, the blogger writes as if being a seedhi saadhi gharelu homely housewife is something to feel bad about...let me say that i respect girls who sacrifce their careers for their childrens or family much more than Indra Nooyis and Barkha Dutts of today. Sacrifice is not an easy thing to do and i salute those housewives who sacrificed their careers for a family. Now a days anyways you easily find people/ families who are successful or rich but hardly find families who are full of love , happiness or peace. My mother was one such lady and I respect her more than any other woman in the world. Infact most of the people who are reading this have their mothers as housewives ( or were they chandas of Dev D?( with due respect to chanda))..

    Thirdly..I myself m a seedha saadha gharelu homely family person.....so that thing completly makes a joke of the whole seedhi saadhi gharelu thing....

    One thing more, the blog says as if i m stopping woman to do anything...I think reality speaks more than this blog and the reality is that my sister/best friend is a very successful and accomplished woman and infact much more than me...Infact I wud like to wish gud luk to all the girls to go ahead and live a life they wish to...

    Also, I dont have any problem with any human being doing whatever he/she wants to do with his /her personal life....He/She wants to drink, smoke , dope, have extramarital or pre marital affairs, group sex etc..etc or may be if he/she wants to go to temples, live a completly spiritual life , do meditation or yoga or workship or live a workaholic proffessional life...India is a democratic free country and its your life..your decisions...you only will face the consequences if there are any......and this equally applies to my future wife and children...

    Coming on to the girl being mentioned, I know her from the time when we were very young and she is one of the very few women whom I have truly respected and I still respect her for whatever she is.. ...this is very true that I was emotionally attached to her and getting hurt in any such relationship is normal due to anything....I think I have expressed it to her again and again that I never ever stopped her doing anything in this world....My not talking to her and breaking ties with her was a personal decision and it was more related to forgetting her and moving on with my life than with stopping her doing anything....I still dont know why she showed the mail to the blogger who wrote a blog out of it disguising us as if its deciphering the Da Vinci Code to find out who the people are who are being talked about...Infact to tell you, none of my best friends or close frnd know much about the girl or the mail and we dont talk at all about such topics...Before this blog, the whole thing was only with me...

    aur yaaron, agar tum itne enthu se yaha tak mere comment bhi pad dala hain..to bhai..jaa kuch kaam dhandha kar...doosro ki jindagi main kyan ho raha hain se tujhe to waise bhi koi fark nahi padta...

    Regards
    Gaurav Ahuja

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  7. gaurav... thank you. u might think this is about you completely but sorry to burst your bubble it is not... it is about a lot of guys i know who think like that... you are just taking everything on urself,when it is not... these are my views abt what i have seen around me... and by the seedhi saadhi gharelu types... what i meant was that there are still guys who are not comfortable with a woman earning more than them or guys who would want/demand/force their wives to leave their jobs to take care of the household... i m glad you are not one of those... good for you! i also respect women who sacrifice all of for their family... i'll do the same thing if the needs arises. i just want the woman to have the right to make that decision and not being forced into it. and finally i am not trying to decipher anything, i write what i see and understand. as for school people calling you up and telling you that this is abt u... i have never mentioned your name, you have. i suggest you need to think why people are calling you up and saying it is abt you... its been a long time since i wrote this, you have clarified it to me, to the woman being talked about and now to all the people who have read it or might read it in the future... get over it. i never knew so many people read this anyway...

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