Thursday, February 6, 2014

You Ask, Moms Answer

I am a relatively new mom. My LittluS is about to turn two this month and for such a little person she sure manages to push all my buttons and keep me on my toes. Because of the time spent in taking care of her, the house, and myself (in that order), I haven't been in touch with a lot of people. However, I do have some well-meaning friends and family members who manage to get through to me, either on the phone or through whatsapp. The conversation generally revolves around the baby and me being a 'terrific' mommy because apparently that's what I am all about anymore. Anyway, I digress.
In that tiny minority, there are a few who are hell-bent on asking the same questions over and over again... And unfortunately, those are the very same questions, even if asked innocently, that always seem to piss me off. Here is a list for your ready reference. Please read it from time-to-time for your own safety...
  • Were you sleeping?
There are some people who will, irrespective of what time of the day it is, will always start a conversation with this dreaded sentence.Yes, I was sleeping because that's what I do all day long. Actually, I have managed to find the seven dwarfs who come to clean, cook, and take care of my baby while I lounge around the whole day!
  • What do you do all day?
Oh nothing... I am just raising the next president of our country. What do you do all day?
  • What is she saying? (When they hear LittluS blabber)
I don't know why people think that moms have some secret language with their kids... News Flash - I hear the same thing you do! But, if you insist I will decode it for you... I think she is telling you to stop asking stupid questions.
  • You have changed.
Hell yeah I have... and not only emotionally, but physically, mentally, and financially as well! I am a mom now too remember?! I have a little person to take care off... That is a big responsibility and will obviously change me, my perceptions, and my priorities. Please deal with it.
  • Advice of any kind - Don't put diapers; Don't give her this to eat etc. etc.
And it's absolutely hilarious when people who haven't had any contact with a toddler will give you advice because their aunt's sister-in-law's friend's mother said so! If we need it, we'll ask for it. If we haven't asked, we don't need it.
  • You look tired?
Really?! I don't look tired, I AM tired... perpetually.
  • When will you start working again?
Umm... I kinda am working. I am raising the next president, remember?
  • Aww... Don't be in a hurry to get back to work, after all you are paid in hugs and kisses.
I will make her give you a big sloppy one in exchange for your Gucci bag, chalega?

  • When are you having another one?
When Hell freezes over!

Have you experienced similar inane questions? How do you deal with them? or do you get bugged with something else. Let's share...

Two of my friends suggested two more points - 
  •  Did you have a normal delivery or C-sec?
I really don't understand the point of this question? How does it matter to you if I had a vaginal or a surgical delivery? Did you pay for it? Are you coming over to take care of me and my baby? I did what was best for me and my baby. The baby is out... so compliment how cute the angel is and generally rejoice! FYI - C-Sec is not abnormal. 
  • You never take our call!
 And now you know why... because I don't want to answer your absurd questions! Also, contrary to what you may believe, I do not have the phone strapped onto me. What I do have is a surprisingly strong toddler dangling from my stomach, hand, leg, or neck which makes answering calls a little difficult.   

P.S. Post written in jest, take it with a pinch of salt... or not!

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