The Oath of the New Mommies

• Thou shall refrain from imparting your infinite wisdom about child-bearing as well as child-rearing until and unless asked explicitly.
• Thou shall not judge other fellow new-mommies based on their parenting choices.
• Thou shall not brag incessantly about your kid's every little achievement.
• Thou shall not turn your baby into a show-doll demanding her to sing, dance, recite poems as per your fancy / to entertain guests. 
• Thou shall not exclaim or gasp in horror as if the world has ended upon hearing that another baby has not reached a particular milestone at the same time as your baby.
• Thou shall not impose your parenting techniques on others. 
• Thou shall refrain from 'tut-tut'ing, sneering, rolling your eyes and /or passing a scathing comment on a fellow mommy who seems to be having trouble controlling her little explorer in a public place.

Something that I have learned in the last one year of being a Mommy. You are welcome to add to the list.   

Another crime against Women.

Saw in the news that a student of XIth standard was gang-raped in front of the village by a group of men in a small town in U.P. The reason was that she was allegedly having an affair with her teacher. This was the eighth rape that has been 'reported' in the state of UP in the last 'one' month.After the incident, the girl, embarrassed and humiliated, committed suicide.

I had the following question in my mind when I saw this news -

1. Why was only the girl punished for having an affair with the teacher? First of all, the 'punishment' was totally unnecessary. Secondly, if the so-called moral police decided that punishment was much needed, why wasn't the teacher, that is the adult in the whole situation, punished for having an affair with a minor? Isn't his role more offensive than the girl?
2. Why is it that in our rural societies the only punishment for a woman that these so-called moral upholders of our society can think of is rape? Is there no other form of punishment available? Is rape the only way?! Is this emotional, mental and physical humiliation is the only way to teach any woman a lesson? If this is so, what kind of society do we live in?
3. When did rape become a form of punishment? Isn't it a more heinous crime than falling in love with a teacher?!
4. Nothing... I mean nothing, can justify a rape. Men can't go through it (well, they can be sodomized but that happens rarely) that is why they would never understand what a woman goes through after such a horrendous experience. It not only scars her body, but her mind and soul as well. 
5. If this is the only way, men can exert their power over women, then... shame on them!
6. The only punishment for a rapist should be castration.
7. Eight rapes in one month?! And that is one state. What is our country coming to...?

Lappy Troubles

You may or may not have noticed that I haven't been updating my blog... all thanks to my faithless and uncooperative laptop! It has decided to have a mind of his own and as a result of that, it has stopped responding to the start button! It turns on when it feels like it, but on most of the occasions, we just have a staring match with me staring at the blank screen and losing my patience and it staring back at me with all the time in the world. The match almost always turns out with me switching it off in frustration and it smiling back at me in smug satisfaction. I am not kidding, it does look like it's smiling with his stupid square jawline! Today, with some luck and lot of persistence I have finally managed to make the dumb machine start up. Hence, the post. 

Sometimes, I wonder if it's not a transformer who turns into some awesome machine when I am not looking! I know it's a little far-fetched and it's actually not a transformer. How I wish it was one though... ;) I would have called him Red Riding Hood, just because it's hood is red.  And I am sure it would be a she transformer... (Did I not tell you about the mood swings, just in the above paragraph?!) This makes me wonder why isn't there a single female transformer in the movie series?! Maybe the absence of women is the reason why the Autobots and the Decepticons are at war with each other and destroy their own planet! Now you see, how important it is to have a female perspective. I am sure if there were She Transformers, they would have talked everything out and their planet would still be at peace and not in pieces! So, stop killing women lest you want Earth to go the Cybertron way! (It could be about anything and I can turn into a women-centric post! God, I am a feminist! ;) )

Anyway, I digress... This stupid non-transformer-but-irritating-machine a.k.a laptop has ruined my dream of publishing 365 posts on 365 days. In other words my 365 day challenge has gone down the drain and I have also lost a follower (::Sob::Sob::)

So, if you want me to keep on publishing on a regular basis, help me buy a new laptop... and I don't mean advice on which is the best machine in the market, I mean monetary help! (I kid... NOT!) ;)


And yeah I almost forgot... I hate Technology! (No specific relation, just saying!)

The Weaker Sex

Since as long as I can remember there have been ladies seats in the buses and also there has been a strong opposition to them from the male gender. I remember travelling in buses to and from college and hoping, before every time I entered one, to find a place to sit… hoping that one of the ladies seats is empty. It was not because I was very tired or that I had a huge bag with me, but because I didn’t want to be touched or groped. I didn’t want the man sitting next to me to fall on me on the pretext of sleeping… I didn’t want the man standing alongside me to lean against me when the driver hits the brakes. I have lived in Delhi all my life and trust me, I have never felt safe travelling or being alone, outside of my home that is. And I know for a fact, I am not an isolated case. There are many like me and this is the sad case of our ‘Mother’land. If you are a woman living in India, the sooner you get to know that you would be molested, the better it is. By making this statement, I am not condoning these acts. But, I am just trying to say that the sooner you know about it, the earlier you can do something against it!

I know of many cases wherein a seemingly innocent bus / metro ride turned into a groping session. So, when I found out that the Metro had got a separate ladies compartment I was very sad. I was sad because I had left the city and would not get to use the benefit of travelling in the metro without a man falling all over me!

What surprises shocks me is the reaction of many men to ladies seats and ladies compartments. I have encountered men sitting stubbornly on a ladies seat even if they see an elderly lady standing next to them. I have met men faking sleep and not even getting up after being repeatedly poked at. There are some men who would ridicule the idea of a ladies compartment altogether. I want to ask all these men, how many times have you been molested? How many times had someone tried to touch you inappropriately?! Never, right? I thought so.

What bothers me more is the psychology behind all this? Many men who do it are not hooligans but college students and middle-aged men going to work. I can’t understand that why would a man, going to office on a normal day, want to do that? What does he get out of it? Cheap thrills?! What does he think while getting on the bus – who should I fall on today? What prompts a man, a father, a husband and a son to stoop so low?

Many times the finger of blame has been pointed at the women. How many times have I heard people blaming the woman who had been sexually assaulted by saying things like she doesn’t dress properly or she called it upon herself for wearing something like that. Why it is that it becomes a woman’s fault for dressing up in a certain way rather than a man’s who couldn’t keep his hormones or testosterone in check?!

I dare all the men who keep ridiculing the need of a ladies compartment to dress up as a woman and travel in the buses and metro for a day. It doesn’t matter if you are wearing a skirt, a salwar-kameez or a sari; it doesn’t matter if you are the most beautiful woman or some average Jill; it doesn’t matter if you are young, middle aged or old… rest assured you would be teased, taunted, made lewd comments at, groped, touched inappropriately, whistled at, leered at, jeered at and maybe even followed. After that one journey, I would want you to answer…who is the weaker sex? The one who is trying to live her life on her own terms or the one who can’t keep himself in check?

This Post was originally written and published as a guest column for The Viewpaper - The Voice of the Youth.

Is our generation this dumb and retarded?

If you are a loyal reader you must have noticed that I have been quite inactive lately... reason? lack of an Internet connection... and to get it up and running, me and my husband had to go through a lot of trouble and i mean a LOT of trouble! anyway, the connection is restored and I am all set to type away... :)

This last month when i was not connected to the virtual world I got addicted to the telly world (don't judge me! there are only so many books i can read and so many people i can call!! :P ) in the throes of that addiction i started following MTV's 'reality show' Roadies' auditions. yeah yeah i know, it is not real, it is fake... all is scripted... blah blah etc etc...but i liked watching it... maybe because i am a little voyeuristic (i admit it! and i know most of you are too! :P) but mainly because i liked the stand that the judges took vis-a-vie women and certain issues... and i loved the way they blasted the men (and women) who acted like chauvinistic pigs!

to reach the judges' panel for a personal interview, the contestants / aspirants had to fill a form that has questions such as -

• what do you think about pre marital sex?
• what is your take on live-in relationships?
• if your parents disagree with your choice of boyfriend / girlfriend, what would you do?
• should women wear mini skirts in pubs?
• what are your views on homosexuality? should it be legalised?

the above mentioned points are just a few examples. there were many more such questions and boy, did the  judges get some varied responses on them! some of them stayed with me, especially the one given by a woman who had cleared her army entrance exam. now, when you are from a city and are educated one expects a certain level of intelligence from you but this woman showed that there is a vast difference between bookish knowledge and actual awareness. when asked should women wear short dresses to pubs she replied - yes they can wear whatever they want but they should be ready to face the consequences. this angered the judges to no end. and i was also a little dismayed. she further continued that these women who wear mini skirts need  a counselling session and then if they still insist on wearing short skimpy outfits, they should not cry if a man makes a comment or if she faces eve teasing. so basically, this 'educated young woman' believed that if another woman is wearing a short outfit and she is raped then it is her fault. the said woman called it upon herself. i was surprised and shocked to hear her justifying her views. one of the judges rightfully corrected her that a woman can wear anything, if she is a victim of eve teasing it is the fault of the men who are doing it. the problem is not in the woman wearing 'revealing' clothes but the problem is with the men who have the thought process that if she is wearing a short dress, she would be 'easy' or 'characterless'. so these men need counselling and not the women. he also added that it is women like her who lead to the downfall of other women. when she would have kids she would tell her daughter that the blame for her being eve teased lies with her and the way she dresses... and she would tell her son that if a woman wears revealing clothes she is a characterless woman. ( i am using the phrase revealing not as a negative term but as a synonym for short dresses or plunging necklines) to tell you the truth i am ashamed to admit it but i also had the similar thought process in my growing up years but thankfully my worldview has expanded... has yours?

that was just one example of the retarded thinking of most of today's youth. the barney brigade as i like to call them. they would want to be like Barney (one-night-stands, drinking, clubbing )but if a woman is a Samantha (from sex and the city) they would not hesitate in using derogatory terms like sluts for them. like there was this guy who said that his sister doesn't go to places like pubs as it is not in our culture. when asked has he been there? his reply was a sheepish yes. so why can he visit a pub but his sister can't? obviously because (a) it is not in our culture and it is only the women who have to follow the so-called Indian ethics and values and (b) she is a good girl and pubs are visited by only loose character women... obviously. (sarcasm alert!)

that was just the tip of the iceberg... there were men who said that premarital sex is okay for them but they would literally kill their sister if she decided to marry someone who was out of their caste (and gave weird senseless and baseless arguments to support this theory as well!)... who believed that premarital sex is illegal (where did that come from? :P )... who believed that people have suddenly turned homosexual and it is a fairly recent phenomenon (that one was unbelievable!)... who thought that a woman who is living-in with their partner is a prostitute (nothing negative was said about the men in the said arrangement though!). Then. there were some contestants thrown in for comic relief like a girl who said that she wanted to work with NASA but didn't know the full form of the same... one guy who agreed with the ayodhya verdict but didn't know what it was (he didn't know what ayodhya was either and had his Ramayana and Mahabharata mixed up!)... one guy who thought rajiv

I can go on and on and on listing the foolishness of the aspirants who wanted to become famous... but i will stop here. however i would love to think your views on the above mentioned 4-5 questions i have listed (in the bullet points)

i hope for the sake of our generation and the one coming after us that all of the content that they have showed till now in this reality show is as unreal as possible and is truly scripted! i want to believe that the younger generation is not as dumb as they have been made out to be on MTV... i want to believe that the coming generation is more aware about their surroundings, are more respectful of the respective opposite sexes, can think beyond bollywood and cricket, has a mind of their own... but most of all i wish that they can break the shackles of age-old convention and stereotypical thinking and are capable of embracing a more logical outlook and a broader worldview.  fingers crossed.

The Mystery

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 17; the seventeenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Men through all ages and centuries, since the time of the ever-so-elusive Cleopatra, have been trying to solve THE MYSTERY of the enigma that is a woman. Who is she? What does she feel? What does she mean when she says this or when she says  that? There are many theories floating in the air... some of them are true and many of them are false.

A woman is a mother, she will love you like one, she might also trouble you and demand pampering like a daughter, she will sometimes take care of you like a girlfriend, understand you like a friend, support you like a wife and look up to you like a sister, she can be a force to be reckoned with when angered... she is all that and much more.


Women are very complex creatures and I have taken it upon myself this mammoth responsibility of unravelling the mystery of the woman, (what does a woman want her man to know!), so here goes nothing...

• First and foremost, women love pampering. However much they deny it, but the bottom line is that they love it. Period.
• All women want their respective man to be self-sufficient. Someone who they can take home to meet their family and proudly introduce as 'the one'.
• However career-oriented a woman might be, she will still want her man to take care of her and provide for all the basic necessities, that is roti, kapda and makaan. But that doesn't mean she can't take care of herself. She can and she also likes to contribute some percentage. So let her.
• Their career is as important for them as yours is for you. Belittling it will take you nowhere, if you know what I mean!
• Women love shopping. We can’t explain it but we have to buy that expensive pair of shoes even if we never wear them. Most of the times, there is no logic behind shopping and we want you, the men, to understand that and stop questioning the reason for spending so much on a pair of sunglasses!
• When we say 'Fine!'... We and/or things are obviously anything but fine... and when we say, nothing, there is always something! Giving up on asking what's that matter is not an option. Not a good option anyway.
• Sometimes, just sometimes, we want you to understand what we want to say without our actually saying it.
• Women might get attracted towards your bad-boy image, but that is only because they believe they can change that into a good-boy one!
• Women are emotional. Very very emotional. They think from their heart and in the process get hurt often. They want you to be the one who will never hurt them.
• Keep the criticism to the minimum... about our cooking skills (we are not competing with your mom’s cooking!), our driving (we hate it when you comment about the way we drive!), our electrical or electronic skills et al.
• Women hate being treated like a child. (We don't mind being pampered like one though!) So, if you have to explain something, do it like an adult. Don’t think that if we don't understand something in the first time, we never will.
• STOP LYING. Stop lying to avoid confrontations, stop lying for our benefit. Just stop lying. Don’t challenge our intelligence by making statements like that you lie for our (women's) own good. The saying - 'truth always comes out' is true. We will ultimately find out about all the lies. It might take hours, days, or maybe even years but we will find out and then you have had it. So, stop lying! (Omitting details and hiding the facts also constitute as lying. stop doing that too.)
• Ignoring a problem will not make it go away. Talking helps. All women believe that.
• If you keep us happy, it will show... in the kitchen and in the bedroom. ;)
• Small surprises go a long way.
• Mood swings don't happen only during 'that' time of the month... it can happen anytime, anywhere. As soon as you learn to identify them, the better it would be for you. And it would help to agree with her during those times. If she says it is hot, it is hot. Is she says it is cold, it is cold.
• When we ask how your day went. Fine is not the answer we expect or are looking for. Asking the aforementioned question is a way of us trying to be a part of your life.
• When we ask about your past… we want to know all the gory details. Not because we are sadists, but because we don’t repeat them. (and also to get an idea whether it is even worth it to invest our time and energy in you)
• We also need our girls' night out... where we don't only talk about you guys.
• We gossip. We bitch. We drink. We also abuse. Get over it!
• When we say yes, we mean maybe. When we say no, we mean maybe. When we say maybe, we mean No. and we want you to understand what we mean. (why? well... we are just programmed like that! :P )
• Women like being chased. Not stalked, but wooed. And crappy and cheesy lines are an absolute no-no. Put some thought into it.
• Looks are not as important as they are for men but that doesn't mean we are blind and have no sense of smell. A well-kept man is always attractive. 
• We know all of you are going the metro sexual way but no woman would like her man to frequent the parlour more than her! Follow basic hygiene and that is enough.
• Manners. Etiquette. Chivalry. If you have not heard of them, then STAY AWAY! Vulgarity and cheapness is meant for boys' night out. Keep it there only.
• We speculate so don't give us reasons to indulge in speculations. The sooner you understand that the longer the relationship would last.
• Men don't remember dates, women do. We will remind you as long as you make it special. And god save you if you forget even after all the reminders.
• If you are not good at flirting, go get good before approaching us.
• Make the foreplay interesting and we will make the rest of your night ;)
• We get jealous. Very very jealous. So maintain distance with the fairer sex. One arm can constitute as appropriate distance. (and mingling with exes is fine as long as we are in the picture. Nothing behind our backs!)
• If we are silent, then go through every conversation we have had in the near past to figure out what have you done wrong.
• Never, ever forget our birthdays. NEVER.
• Helping around the house doesn't make you weak, it makes you very strong… in our eyes.
• There is a fine line between being cutely jealous and being obsessively possessive. Do the former and avoid the latter. Don’t cross that line. 
• When we talk, listen. There is a difference between hearing and listening. We know when you are faking it.
• We remember not only important dates and events but also every conversation we have had with you. So you are better off not using any old argument for your sake.
• A woman wants commitment…not inking-our-names-on-your-body kinds but a promise that she is and will be the most important person in your life...
• We understand (sometimes) that you can’t contain your emotions and you have to look at every other girl but can you please not make it that obvious?
• We might not be the most beautiful girl you know, but we DO NOT like to hear it.
• Pulling our leg in a cute way is acceptable but making fun of us in front of your friends and family (even if they are our friends too) is not.
• Diamonds are a girl’s best friend… chocolates, shoes, bags, dresses, perfumes, make-up are our other close friends!
• Your ex might have some good qualities but for us she will always be a b****. We don’t want to hear her praises again and again (or even once for that matter).
• Taking us out for shopping is the best medicine to cheer us up – ALMOST ALWAYS!
• Don’t expect us to be dolled up all the time with manicured hands and perfect hairstyle… that takes a LOT of time and effort. We are not movie starts and we like being lazy too.
• When we take hours to dress up for our better half, that is you, we expect a better response than 'you look good.' or 'are you done yet?'

Well, this might be the tip of the iceberg… while writing the post, I realized that if men knew everything about women, then the fun would be lost, right? So, I stop here… let the men enjoy unravelling the mystery of their women by themselves :)

Do drop in a comment and let me know what you think and also if you want to add to the list :)

P.S. - before anyone bites my head off, let me add a disclaimer - exceptions are always there. And if you are, good for you! :P

P.P.S - the list has been compiled with great help from my very dear friend KAMNA ;)

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

What Men Want!

"You are reading one of the winning entries of BlogAdda's - What Men Want! contest"

What Women Want... People (by people I mean Men) have wondered about this topic since eternity, movies have even been made on it... remember that one staring Mel Gibson... anyway, what about Men? have we, women, ever wondered what men want? maybe occasionally, once or twice, when we have been unfortunate in dating that ever-so-reclusive guy who wouldn't admit what does he really want! most of the time, women just keep wandering aimlessly, analyzing the male species' every move to figure out what he actually wants from us? does he want us to make the first move? does he want us to appear shy? does he like to chase us? what does he want us to do?!

Most of the times, i believe men are also clueless about what they actually want! In my 25 years on Earth, I have realized that men are pretty simple creatures, basically they are babies, who want the basics from life... here is what I have observed men want us to know - 

• When they are young, I mean when men were boys, all of them either want to be in the army or become a pilot.
• They eventually want to start a business. no matter how much money they make in their respective careers, men want to slog only for themselves...someday.
• every man, once in his lifetime after working for n number of years, thinks about marrying a rich girl and becoming a house husband!
• men, sometimes, wish they were born as a woman!!
• they fantasize... about, you know... a lot. every other minute or so...
• they want to date the hottest girl in town but would want to marry the one who can cook! 
• all of them are mama's boys... forever. the sooner you accept it, the happier you'll be. never, and i mean never ever, come between a man and his mother. she is and will always be the first woman in his life.
• they don't want to have deep conversations about where the relationship is going. if they are with you, it is going someplace... that someplace could change with time.
• when they come home from work, they want some peace and quiet for at least ten minutes. 
• When they say yes, they mean yes. when they say no, they mean no. they want you to understand that and not analyze their every word.
• Men would tell you they want women to make the first move... they don't. winning over a woman gives them a high! (rolling eyes!)
• they don't speculate, neither do they want you, yes you girls, to speculate. they want you to let the relationship take its own course and not dissect every move they make and every word they say.
• All men lie. it could be white lies, big ones or small fibs. they do, everyone of them. and they believe and want you to believe that they do it for your own good.
• Men, whatever they might say, like to chase the woman of their dreams... but only till that time they deem fit. if it goes on for too long, they lose interest. if it is too short, they don't get the sense of achievement.
• They want to give you a surprise for your birthdays and anniversaries but a little help from your side about what you would want to do would really help them.
• Men don't remember dates. they will not remember the first time you looked at each other, the first time you touched or the first time you fought. if you want them to remember, remind them.
• And now borrowing from a movie, "He is just not that into you." if they take your number and don't call you, they want you to understand, well... they are not just that into you. calling them back, making them remember who you are will not work.
• some of them would do and say anything, and i mean anything, to get you into bed. and after that they would also want you to forgive them as well.
• they can sense when you are emotionally vulnerable... and sadly some of them prey on those vulnerable ones.
• Men want space. they don't want to tell you what they did every second of the day. neither do they want to know what you ate for lunch and how many bites you had.
• They want you to know that if they are watching TV, playing video games, watching sports and you are talking, even though they will say that they are listening but they obviously are not.
• Men are slobs. they don't want you to tidy up after them. if they leave everything on the table, let it be on the table. it makes it easier to find their stuff without the hassle of getting into drawers and cupboards.
• Men need and want their Boys' Night out where they can drink and just forget about everything else.
• they don't want you to interpret their silence. when they are ready, they will tell you. 
• All men want to be good at flirting. some of them are, most of them are not.
• They don't get hints, not direct hints not subtle hints, neither can they read your mind. they want you to tell them in clear words what do you actually want them to do.
• Men have never and never will ask for directions. even if their life depended on it. they just want you to accept that.
• if something is bothering you, tell them. they don't want to play the guessing game. 
• Men, most of them, hate shopping unless it is for gadgets or for them or gadgets for them. 
• They want you to know that if they are with you and look at another woman, that doesn't mean they don't love you. they are just programmed like that. they have to have to look!
• Men love their cars, especially their first car and no matter how much more he loves you, you will not be allowed to drive it... for a long long time.
• Men forget... not only anniversaries and birthdays or to tell you about important conversation they had with your parents, they forget bad ugly fights too!
• Men, unlike women, are not very big fans of foreplay and the cuddles that come after... they are more interested in what happens between those two!
• Men gossip... they will never accept it but they do.
• Men don't like to talk about their past nor do they want to know about yours in excruciating detail. just a number of how many men you dated before him would do.Let it be like that.
• Men also get jealous... they just don't want to show it to you and scare you off.

These are some of the things that i think Men want us, the weaker sex (Ha!) to know...

If you know more, you are welcome to leave a comment and add to this list ;)

And if i think of more, i will update it as well!

happy reading...

P.S. This is written in jest. Men, take it with a pinch of salt!

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